Finally To Rest
by THEMrs.KendallSchmidt
Summary: I saw the door open from the corner of my eyes and barely felt the pair of arms around me. I would remember these arms…. They might help soothe the fire… WARNING: Self-Harm One-Shot


_**If you are under 14 please do not read. I just dont think its really suitable? But really do whatever you want. (: Um enjoy? And DICLAIMER: I DO NOT NOW NOR HAVE I EVER OWNED BIG TIME RUSH! Review please? And really honestly tell how much ti sucked. Haha. (:**_

I looked into the mirror, mentally stabbing insults at myself. I couldn't believe this was me… It just couldn't be me. There's no way this monster is me. I'm selfish, ugly, unlovable, I can never do anything right, I have stupid dreams, and I am a failure at life. Sometimes I feel like I can't- no I shouldn't go on. People like me don't deserve to be here living and breathing. I opened my drawer under the sink and pulled out a new box of razors I had bought a few months back, only a few missing. Maybe three or four… I do this very often, possibly more than anyone could even imagine. I do this like an alcoholic drinks, like a drug addict shoots up, like a human _breaths_. It's my escape, my addiction, and my relief from this world. I held up the small piece of metal and watched it shine and glisten from the more than bright, white ,lights coming from above the horrible glass reflector that mocks me, that shows me who I am and what I've become. I know this is wrong, and of course this goes against everything I believe in, but I am human and I do make mistakes. I did get drug into this bloody, unimaginable, amazing habit. I thought of a word to describe me. Worthless, one cut. Pathetic, another one. Selfish, ugly, and unlovable… Now, five slashes against my tan and crimson skin on my left arm. Ran from my shoulder down to the watch on my wrist… The watch I stopped the second I realized exactly how much of a mess up I am. I looked at the untouched arm I was using and sighed. Now that's not fair is it? One arm is experiencing such relieving attention and the right is left to suffer… Can't have that now can we? I lifted my weak left arm starting dead center of my wrist poking a small hole with the corner and dragging it down my arm. Watching my skin slowly part inch by inch as my darker than normal, crimson blood oozed from it, practically pulsing as it poured onto into the sink, onto the floor, onto me… There was so much of it I couldn't help but let my little small, emotionless, smirk appear on my lips as I held my arm closer to my face watching the slow waterfall of red come from my arm. It's amazing what you realize in one day when you have nothing else left to do but think. I looked down at my stomach and decided 12 cuts were not enough. I had one thing on my mind… Everyone had it on their minds. It was just time I made everyone else's and my own wishes come true. What do you have left when everyone has chosen you to leave? To give up on? To forget? Things were getting blurry slowly but that could always just be the meaningless tears lining my dull, lifeless, colored eyes. I finished with a total of maybe 22 or 23 cuts letting the razor hit the floor with a small clatter. I looked back into the mirror seeing the knob on the door being shook and it moving from being hit. Yes, I heard the screaming that is now nothing but hums in the background. Would I let this stop me? No. I backed up against the pale blue tiled wall, sliding down to the floor, loving the feeling of the cold. I was burning, but I should get use to the feeling considering I will be spending eternity in hell for this. I remembered what had made this occur not but only about 20 minutes ago…

"Your dreams are nothing Gloria! You don't mean anything to anyone especially me! Your opinion doesn't count and your ideas are stupid! You're a worthless part of everything we do and you're more than pathetic to see if we would take you back!" I knew he didn't mean it and I saw that it had hurt him to say it more than it did for me to hear it. I knew it was only part of the script. But those are the words I had heard from my parents no longer than about 3 months ago. I've been NA for about 2 months, but that's all about to change. I know his words are true. It was true then and it is true now. It's never going to change no matter who I'm with or what it's about. So why put myself and everyone through the pain of seeing me? Just because he didn't mean it doesn't mean it wasn't true. It doesn't change the fact that the man that was keeping me here that agreed to say those words to save our career had said it to me. He did it for me but the fact is he had said it and it was more painful that it would have been if we would have packed our stuff and moved back to Minnesota. The words got to me more than they should have. I admit it with great realization. It just doesn't change the meaning of the words and the fact that they describe me perfectly. So I ran… Off set and straight to 2J and into mine and his bathroom, right where you found me…

I saw the door open from the corner of my eyes and barely felt the pair of arms around me. I would remember these arms…. They might help soothe the fire…

"Gloria please don't leave baby… Please…" I felt tears fall onto my skin as he held me tighter. He was crying. It will be over soon sweetie, don't freight. Wipe your emerald eyes and let go of this mistake you keep so close… You're better off, trust me my love. "Gloria no!"

"It's over and done with my blonde haired beauty, sleep safe and at peace in your angels arms tonight… Don't let another soil your wonderful mind, soul, and body like I have. Just walk away. It should be simple to leave trash in a ditch shouldn't it? Just… Let go baby…" I raised my hand to wipe the river of tears going downstream on his pale cheek.

"Gloria I love you! Why would you take yourself from me!" He sobbed burying his face into my tangled head. "D-DON'T DO THI-THIS TO ME! DON'T GO!" He was shaking violently yet there was nothing I could do to soothe my knight's heart. I know he will heal with ease though. No worries my dear. None at all baby boy. Just relax… "I l-love you Gloria…"

"Smile. Your troubles are on their way out the door. Goodbye baby… I love you too Kendall." I let my eyes slip shut and the scream fill my ears until I was completely numb. No sound, no feeling, no sight. Just darkness, quiet, and… nothing. This is what peace is like. This is what life should be life for everyone. No worries, no pain. Just peace… I smiled to myself as I seen a ghost of my Kendall's face appear in front of me. I got to see my angels smile one more time before I left… Finally to rest…


End file.
